It's been a while!

As I am sitting here in bed, listening to the tv more than watching and checking my email, I finally decided now would be a good time to post a blog. It has been quite a while since I have blogged about anything and the bad thing is...I haven't posted many to begin with.

It's been 8 months since finding out about my Dad's passing and it still does not seem real to me. In the beginning, from the moment I received that most dreaded call that my Dad was gone, I literally felt like I couldn't breathe and a huge piece of my heart had been ripped right out of my chest. Deep down I knew that that call was coming but I didn't want to think about it. I went through feelings of guilt (that I could've done something more for him), I even felt anger not toward God but toward my Dad thinking that he should've stopped drinking when the doctor's told him he needed to. He always told me that he would do anything in the world for his kids and I asked and pleaded with him many times to quit. He always told me he was sorry and he would quit but for some reason, I couldn't get through to him. As I sit here and think about this, my eyes are watering. It still hurts.

The manner in which he died was sudden. He suffered esophageal varices. He was home alone when he began to bleed out. I have really struggled with the picture of this. Seeing the house, since we had to locate important documents for the funeral home in order to give him a military service, looked like a murder scene like something you would see on CSI. That image will always be in my head. I couldn't believe that this had happened to him. I didn't want to believe that it had happened to him. I kept thinking about what it must've been like, what he suffered, and what he must've been thinking. Looking at the scene of my childhood home, it really looked like he struggled. I hate that he had to go through that. I hate that it happened at all.

From the moment of finding out about his passing, all the decisions I had to make and quickly too, I really didn't have time to just grieve. Yes, there was lots a crying to the point my eyes were puffy and red but I didn't really have the chance to just let go. Another very hard thing for me was that because he died alone in his home, it was a couple of days before anyone found him. One of his school buddies went to check on him and found him. No one was able to see him that one last time. His body was sent to the Savannah Crime Lab for autopsy and toxicology and we were told that as soon as he arrived at the funeral home, he would have to be placed in a sealed casket. I feel like I needed to be able to view him for closure, that this was all real, but I have to believe that God knew what he was doing and maybe I wouldn't have been able to see him like that anyway.

Yesterday, I received a copy of his autopsy and toxicology report. Other than the chronic ethanolism that killed him, he was really healthy. Every day, I think about him and wished he was here. I wished that there was something I could've done. I have to have hope that maybe I can influence someone else to not drink. My Dad was the sweetest person. He was very giving. He was loving. He had a great sense of humor and he was an awesome story-teller. I can still hear the sound of his voice and I suppose I will never forget it. I have thought many times about going to an AA meeting just to tell his story in hopes that maybe I can help someone else. I haven't went yet and not sure if or when I will have the strength to do so to actually go and speak. But maybe one day soon, I will.

Parents Really Don't Understand

There is just so much to write on this subject but I will try my best to get the jist of it in as briefly as possible. Now trying to figure out where to begin. I guess I will start with the first converstation I had this morning with one of my parents. The issue: Dates I Am Closed. First of all, I close on all national holidays and I have a few other days for time to spend with my children. Parents are required to pay even when I am closed. The fees they pay me holds their child's place for when they do not attend and other items/time spent preparing and purchasing items needed to properly care for and teach the children so that they can grow/learn at their fullest potential for entering school. I give them a head start. If you total all the days that I close you will find that I have about 20 days for the whole year. I have a friend that has decided that she will be a back up for me when I close for those parents who need the care. I did not discuss with her about what she would charge because I feel that is up to her and the parents who may call on her. I also give the parents between a two week or more ahead of time notice of the days that I will be closed. One thing that I have recently started doing was giving them a calendar like the school does so that they will know well ahead of time when I will close. One of the days that I will close this October is Friday the 16th. This is fall break for my kids and they will also be out on the following Monday. I told this parent that I was closing this particular day because I wanted to spend special time with my own children. Should be understandable right? This is what she said back to me, "You have the weekend." I could not believe my ears! This is a parent that I have known a long time. In fact, her first child was my first student in my family home child care when I opened! I don't know about you but the weekend is never long enough for me or for them. One day they are going to be grown up and I won't have these younger years (which are the most important by the way) to spend with them. I was in shock at her saying that. I wanted to ask her if the weekend is enough for her. Next, I have a parent who doesn't believe or at the least have her kids on a schedule. I don't understand parents who don't want to use a schedule. You wouldn't believe how much easier it makes the day go by using a schedule. The children are happiest when they know what to expect. There are some days though that you can vear from the schedule and it can become somewhat chaotic if events may not be planned but I believe children learn best when on a schedule. Okay so the issue at hand: Schedule Or No Schedule. The children in question arrived this morning at 7:24 a.m. I open at 7:30 a.m. Maybe you're thinking what's six minutes? My children were just getting on the bus. Six minutes could actually give me enough time to pray/meditate and prepare myself for the rest of the day. Okay so this wasn't that big of an issue. One of the children will be two in October and the other one is seven months old. She started fussing a little (by the way...she is the best baby, very easy going, hardly ever cries) so I figured she must be hungry. I sent her mother a text message to find out what time she had a bottle. She text back 6:00 a.m. So I opened a jar of baby food and was feeding that to her. She also saw her sister eating breakfast so I know that was what made her think about eating too. Her mother texts me and says they eat when they get hungry. There's no certain time that they do this. I text her and told her that I was feeding her a jar of baby food. She text back that they do not have a schedule that they just eat when they are hungry. I wished that parents could realize what that does to a child to go from one environment that is completely unstructured to an environment that IS structured. Like I said, schedules are good because they help the child to know what to expect. It also lessons bad behavior and gives them a sense of independence. I don't think parents realize the work, stress, and rewards included that go into running a child care business. My clock hours are from 7:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. but it doesn't just stop there. There are errands to run and plans to make. I can not even begin to tell you how much time this could take. Providing care for the children of other families can be extremely exhausting and parents just seem to expect that you can keep going like the energizer bunny with no breaks and that because they pay you, that you shouldn't have any time off to recooperate from taking care of their kids! I have a family of my own to take care of. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my work and feel that I go the extra mile even when I don't get recognition for it but I do it because I love the children. It's all about the children! Does anyone else have a comment to make about family child care, my close dates, or schedules? Let me know what you think.

It's the finger again!

It's been a little while since I have posted but I thought I would take time to tell you about this one. Right before school started, my son, Garron had an infection in one of his fingers. He took the antiobiotics and the infection went away. This same finger that was infected has now created another problem. His fingernail had started lifting away from the nail bed. I knew that it was getting ready to fall off but it was still hanging on there and Garron will not let anyone touch it. Yesterday at school on the playground, he came down what he calls "the green pole" and it was ripped off of his finger even more. The nurse calls me to go get him and she placed a bandaid on his finger because it was bleeding so bad. I took Garron to Urgent Care in Dublin to see about his nail. The doctor suggested that we just keep a bandaid on it to protect it and let it come off naturally. He also prescribed some more antiobiotics just in case it set up infection again. You know that nagging feeling you have as a mother that was trying to listen to what the doctor said while your heart is telling you not to listen to him and do what you know is best? Well, gave him the benefit of the doubt and we left with just a bandaid on his finger. After we get home and studied for some tests, Garron was ready to take his bath. He asked if he could take the bandaid off so that it wouldn't get wet and I told him he could. It wasn't long I heard screaming and ran to see what was wrong. Garron couldn't get the bandaid off and it lifted the nail again!!! I felt so bad for him. I couldn't even remove the bandaid. The nurse had put the sticky part down on his nail. I tried to cut part of the bandaid off but Garron was screaming and crying that I couldn't do it for fear that I would actually rip the rest of his nail off. I have called Urgent Care to see if someone would remove the nail. They can but still recommended to leave it on and it will be $200 out of pocket because insurance won't cover it now because of the way the doctor documented it last night that it was still attached. The nurse told me to just soak his finger and the bandaid in warm water and the bandaid will come off. She said that it would tramatize him even more to numb his finger and remove the nail then for it to just come off naturally. Needless to say I am slightly irate about this whole situation!

Two Year Old Singing

This is just too cute not to share. Click on this link and enjoy this two year old singing. I just loved it! http://www.tangle.com/view_video?viewkey=91f6aba3ef547be2fd8a

7:30 am!

Okay so it wasn't the superintendent that I spoke with about the bus route. I talked to the director of transportation and evidently he listened! The bus came this morning at 7:30 am. I think the bus driver wasn't too happy with me because she barely looked at me. But I did try to talk with her first before going further. I just did what any other parent would've done in the best interest of my children. I am very happy that the director of transportation listened and made her change her route.

Slightly ill...

New school hours and bus change. We were informed of the new school hours in which the kids will stay an hour longer at school to be used for instructional purposes. For the past six years, the school bus has picked up my children and daycare children at 7:30 am every morning. We have even been through new bus drivers and it has always been the same. Well now we have another new bus driver and she nor the school told us that we needed to be ready any earlier. Monday morning: bus came at 7:05 am and Michalla was outside feeding the animals when she came running in saying, "The bus is here!" Well, needless to say Michalla and Garron both missed the bus that morning. I called the school and spoke with a lady in the office. I told her the situation and explained to her that we are right around the corner from the school and the bus route for previous years. She said that she would talk with our bus driver and find out from her what time she would be arriving for me to call back in a while to see what she had found out. I called back and she said that she spoke to the bus driver and that she said she would be around 7:30 am. Tuesday morning: bus came again at 7:05 am! By this time, I was completely irate. I walked up to the bus driver and told her what the lady in the office told me and she said she didn't tell her that. I made sure she knew that I was ill and that if they were going to change the bus route in the morning that somebody should've told me. I also let her know that I have daycare kids that sometimes need to get on the bus and it has always been 7:30 but she said that she was coming from Montrose and that she could not change her route. I called the school again and let them know that I was ill. A different lady in the office gave me the superintendent's number to call because he would be the one to get the bus route changed. I spoke with him and he said that he couldn't promise anything but he did understand my concern. He took my number and said that he would give me a call and let me know what could be done. So far, I haven't heard anything. You may be thinking what is 25 minutes early? 25 minutes early is a big difference when I use that time to spend in the morning with my children before they go to school. So now if I want to spend a little time with them before going to school, we have to get up earlier. Michalla and I both are not really morning people. Garron on the other hand just pops up like his daddy. I hope that this can get changed! If I have to, I will take them myself before I let them ride the bus that early. Of course, I will have to wait a couple of weeks until the school traffic subsides because my daycare opens at 7:30 am. Parent lines are too long right now. Hope to here from the superintendent soon!

What Must I Do To Be Saved?

Here is a media link that you can go to find out that answer. Make sure you have your Bible with you and follow along. It lasts about 36 minutes but that's not long if you think about it. It would be well worth the time spent! So here it is: http://www.housetohouse.com/MediaPlayer.aspx?media=4996